Yes, two posts in one night! This couldn't wait, though. Former Red Sox pitcher Julian Tavarez signed with the Washington Nationals. Here's his classic quote from the Washington Post:

"Why did I sign with the Nationals?" Tavárez said on Sunday. "When you go to a club at 4 in the morning, and you're just waiting, waiting, a 600-pounder looks like J-Lo. And to me this is Jennifer Lopez right here. It's 4 in the morning. Too much to drink. So, Nationals: Jennifer Lopez to me."

That's right. Tavarez compared signing with the Nats to beer goggles. Don't know if Julian can still pitch, but he certainly hasn't lost his unique sense of the universe.